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Few things are as messy as inheritances. In fact, if there are problems in a family, it’s quite likely everything will be messy from that point on.
But, believe it or not, it’s not just about greed. Sometimes, it’s about fairness, or even justice. Money per se is not the destination, but rather a means, or mayhaps a complication, in the whole scheme of things.
This is exemplified in a recent Am I The A-Hole story posted by a father who thought dividing up the inheritance equally would be the best thing for everyone. But, alas, it ended in family drama.
More Info: Reddit
Image credits: William Whyte (not the actual photo)
So, a 62-year-old dad of 2, biologically speaking, adult children—both in their early 30s—and a stepdad to another kid, a 12-year-old boy, has recently approached the Am I The A-Hole community for some perspective.
You see, OP admits he wasn’t the best father figure with his 2 biological kids. Growing up, he would often prioritize work over family—having your own business demands certain sacrifices. So, their relationship was anything but a good one. It got better when the kids became adults, but you can bet there is some issue there, especially given that entrepreneurship had its ups and downs, begging the question “was it worth it?”
His relationship with his stepson, on the other hand, is great. And while 4 years later, it’s still not at the stage of “being a dad” to him just yet, being “a close uncle” seems like a win in his book for now.
Image credits: Particular-Song-5748
Given this context, OP started thinking more about his will. He had an idea to split his inheritance equally among his kids as follows: leaving about 60% of his assets to all three kids, each getting 20%. The wife will get about 30%. The business he has will be going to his biological kids, unless his wife or stepson decide to get involved in the future, but his biological kids would get majority stakes either way.
Image credits: Particular-Song-5748
Seems fair, right? Well, no, because there’s more nuance to that. Remember how we mentioned him admitting that he wasn’t the best of dads? His biological kids claim that they had to grow up with a “cold, emotionally and physically distant or unavailable father” who was too busy with the business so he could bring food to the table.
Image credits: Particular-Song-5748
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
They went on to say that, unlike them, the stepson now sees the dad as a new person, one who doesn’t work as much, and they can all enjoy their luxurious life because the business is booming. But that is exactly the problem—this kid always got the good side of things.
It seems that it wasn’t about the money here—it was about reconciling relationships and being fair. Throughout the post, the dad acknowledged several times that he understood his biological children’s concerns and reasoning. Still, he felt like sharing it with the AITA community.
And they sided with his biological kids, you can say.
Folks online certainly saw the unfairness of the situation. Not only was it on a chronological degree, whereby his biological kids have spent their entire lives with the dad, and the stepson has only been in the picture for 4 years, but also considering how much different he was as a father figure to them versus the stepson.
Image credits: Enric Cruz López (not the actual photo)
Most agreed that while it is a nice gesture to include the stepson in the inheritance, he shouldn’t be considered an equal in it. Not now, at least. If he was to leave it equal, it would mean he’s “elevating” the stepson to a level equal to his actual children, and that is, if anything, disrespectful towards the kids.
The overall consensus was YTA, or you’re the a-hole, aimed at OP. An edit was also added to the post, whereby OP elaborated on how the will was originally planned out, and how he was reconsidering this whole deal.
You can read through the post in context here, and also have a go at some of our other AITA coverage here, here, and here. But don’t go just yet as we have a lot of questions for you, the most important of which is what are your thoughts on this? Let us know in the comment section below!
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Robertas, nicknamed the Comma Inquisitor by friends, is a Bored Panda writer and content creator. After his studies at LCC International University, where he got a BA in English Language and Literature, Robertas went on to do freelance teaching, translation, and copywriting work, primarily specializing in IT. He spent nearly three years writing about all things Wi-Fi, eventually being picked up by Bored Panda. Whenever there’s free time, he spends it playing Gwent, or hosting Dungeons & Dragons sessions for his mostly chaotic neutral team.
Saulė is a photo editor at Bored Panda with bachelor's degree in Multimedia and Computer Design. The thing that relaxes her the best is going into YouTube rabbit hole. In her free time she loves painting, embroidering and taking walks in nature.
Dad doesn’t owe any of his kids anything. He could leave 100% to the local animal rescue if he wants! At least until the stepson is 18, stepdad should do his best to make sure his wife and her child aren’t out in the cold if he dies suddenly. Yeah, that means the 30-somethings don’t get the house. Assuming they’re not currently homeless, they don’t need it. Giving the wife and/or stepson a share of the business means they can afford to keep the electricity on. Bio kids are being selfish.
Omfg I was just wondering if I was the only one getting annoyed with everyone calling the dad the Ahole when his kids sound super entitled to something they didn’t work for.
OP owes his children NOTHING. That his bio children are *upset* and think $$ is warranted due to his earlier behavior is ridiculous and indicates that they are only involved for a payout. I hope OP leaves his entire estate to whomever he wants as he wants and not to be influenced by his greedy, selfish children.
Yeah tbh I think the biochildren are the AH in this scenario-greedy, entitled, and selfish. It’s ok to feel like their stepbrother is not part of their family- he came into their lives when they were adults with loves of their own. But if OP feels compelled to provide for a child with whom he hopes to have a parental relationship, that’s his business (and imo a lovely thing to do). How will the stepson feel if one day he finds out that the man he has come to regard as a father doesnt see him as equal to his biological children? I think OP sounds like a compassionate person who has recognized his new familial situation as a chance to grow and do better- he has the maturity and hindsight to see where he was lacking as a dad and to right that wrong. His adult biological children sound jealous and grabby. They are the AH in this situation. For context, I have a large family of steps and we have always regarded each other on equal footing- loving and making each other crazy equally.
I agree with ItsJess. The OP doesn’t “owe” his money to anybody, and no amount of money will ever appease his bio children. He should dispose of his estate as he sees fit and discuss it with no one except his executor.
I agree, well put.
I grew up as a stepchild… my stepfather supported my mother and me and paid for my education and that was about it. He and my mother firmed a new family and he didn’t give me his name until the first sibling was born and heleft everything to my mother, and I never saw her will and got nothing from it anyway. By sheer fluke my bio aunt and uncle left a small inheritance for me but nothing from my bio father or my mother. Stepfamilies can be a b*tch
Lmao his bio son is old enough to steal his wife ?
Pretty sure the bio son is gay (this is 100% based on modern family ?)
Dad doesn’t owe any of his kids anything. He could leave 100% to the local animal rescue if he wants! At least until the stepson is 18, stepdad should do his best to make sure his wife and her child aren’t out in the cold if he dies suddenly. Yeah, that means the 30-somethings don’t get the house. Assuming they’re not currently homeless, they don’t need it. Giving the wife and/or stepson a share of the business means they can afford to keep the electricity on. Bio kids are being selfish.
Omfg I was just wondering if I was the only one getting annoyed with everyone calling the dad the Ahole when his kids sound super entitled to something they didn’t work for.
OP owes his children NOTHING. That his bio children are *upset* and think $$ is warranted due to his earlier behavior is ridiculous and indicates that they are only involved for a payout. I hope OP leaves his entire estate to whomever he wants as he wants and not to be influenced by his greedy, selfish children.
Yeah tbh I think the biochildren are the AH in this scenario-greedy, entitled, and selfish. It’s ok to feel like their stepbrother is not part of their family- he came into their lives when they were adults with loves of their own. But if OP feels compelled to provide for a child with whom he hopes to have a parental relationship, that’s his business (and imo a lovely thing to do). How will the stepson feel if one day he finds out that the man he has come to regard as a father doesnt see him as equal to his biological children? I think OP sounds like a compassionate person who has recognized his new familial situation as a chance to grow and do better- he has the maturity and hindsight to see where he was lacking as a dad and to right that wrong. His adult biological children sound jealous and grabby. They are the AH in this situation. For context, I have a large family of steps and we have always regarded each other on equal footing- loving and making each other crazy equally.
I agree with ItsJess. The OP doesn’t “owe” his money to anybody, and no amount of money will ever appease his bio children. He should dispose of his estate as he sees fit and discuss it with no one except his executor.
I agree, well put.
I grew up as a stepchild… my stepfather supported my mother and me and paid for my education and that was about it. He and my mother firmed a new family and he didn’t give me his name until the first sibling was born and heleft everything to my mother, and I never saw her will and got nothing from it anyway. By sheer fluke my bio aunt and uncle left a small inheritance for me but nothing from my bio father or my mother. Stepfamilies can be a b*tch
Lmao his bio son is old enough to steal his wife ?
Pretty sure the bio son is gay (this is 100% based on modern family ?)
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